Where to begin...
The trip to Ukraine was absolutely amazing. Even looking back on it now, it brings a grin to my face. God was at work that week, through each and every person, and those are moments in life that are difficult to put into words (for me at least). We arrived in Kiev, took a van to a university where we stayed the night, and woke up the next day and drove to Kharkov (took about 9 hours). The drive went by surprisingly fast, but I give all the credit to the scenery; it was breathtaking, everything blanketed in snow. There was a peace about that kind of scene that I haven't witnessed much in life.
The first day (Wednesday) was so much fun. We went to an orphanage called Nova Vadalaga just a few minutes from our hotel. This is the orphanage where I got to meet Zhenya- a 12 year old boy I've been praying for through Midtown. I was THRILLED when I got to meet him (which probably freaked him out a little bit), but I couldn't hide how excited I was. At first he was a little stand-offish, but by the end of the day, we were best buds- it was amazing. There were so many kids there, and as beautiful as it was for us to be with them, it was so hard to leave. When we left the first night, dozens of the kids walked us out to the bus; it was dark by this time, and of course, our bus was stuck in the snow and ice. We had a translator yell to the boys that we needed their help and they were so excited- it was hilarious and truly amazing at the same time. They all got behind the bus, yelling and laughing, and were able to push the bus out of the snow...they chased the bus away as we drove down the icy road, blowing kisses and screaming things we didn't understand; everyone on the bus was laughing and waving, until we couldn't see or hear them anymore- a deafening silence came over the bus, all that could be heard was the occasional sniffle and a few laughs here and there. That was a painful silence, but it's good to be still like that now and then.
The next day we went Zeleny Gai, an orphanage about thirty minutes from our hotel. At this orphanage, some of the children have special needs (not all of them, though), which made this day a little different than the day before- no better or worse in my opinion- just completely different. The orphans needed more affection than anything, they weren't as worried about what games there were or what candy was being passed around- all they wanted was a simple touch of their hand or a pat on their back. It was a hard day, but I believe God is moving hearts there. He was moving souls that day, even if we couldn't see it right then.
On Friday we were able to return to Nova Vadalaga, which happened to be their Christmas day, which made the day even more special than when we had gone Wednesday. We were able to do more skits, watch a short Madagascar cartoon clip (dubbed in Ukraine, of course), spend more quality time with the kids, and most importantly we were able to sit them down and have some serious discussions with them. I was with a group of girls talking about abstinence, but there were other groups about what it means to love, garbage in and garbage out, and I think there was another one but I can't remember. At first we were skeptical, doubting the girls would participate in the discussion, but to our surprise we barely had to speak at all. No one had ever talked to them about sex before, and for the most part they were glad to talk with us about it- what a blessing that those girls trusted us like that. Truly God has a grip on their hearts, even if it's a tiny grip- and what a delight to get to see it first hand.
Since Friday was their Christmas, when we went to dinner after being at the orphanage all day, we were told some traditional singers wanted to come in and sing for us. I was completely unaware of this, but in Ukraine it is tradition for people to go caroling (in a sense), and dress up in throw-back Ukraine clothing (which is awesome). They go into restaurants and other businesses, not just homes, which I'm jealous of because I wish America still did that kind of thing, and they sing a few songs, maybe take some money, but it was so entertaining. I think we all enjoyed it. Well, we were just finishing dinner, I was sitting with a few girls from the trip, and we heard a knocking noise. There was a window directly behind our table, and when we heard the knock we knew it had to be some of the kids from the orphanage (Nova Vadalaga)- we were so giddy, you would have thought we were five again and it was our Christmas. We ran outside and sure enough there were about 15 kids from the orphanage. What a wonderful way to finish the day, even though it was just as sad to see them walk away for the second time that night. It's amazing how attached you can become to kids, and vice versa, in such a short amount of time. As hard as it was, though, it was worth every single tear. And more.
I could go on and on about the trip, telling each and every tiny detail, but I find I can't describe everything as well as I want to- partially because some of it I selfishly want to remain mine and partially because there are just certain things that are too sweet to put into words. All I know is I can't wait to go back. I hope I get to see the same kids again someday, but even if I don't, the amount of orphans over there is astounding, and their need for love and affection is even more appalling; I feel so blessed to have been a small part of this trip, and to be a part of their lives.
I was reading the Journals of Jim Elliot this morning and there's an entry where he explains how fulfilled he felt, and how he longed to be in Heaven with our Father. He explained how he wanted nothing more than to be with Jesus, and he had been given so many gifts (just to name a few: strength, patience, trust, and love) but this is what he had to say about life, upon his realization:
"Failure means nothing now, only that it taught me life. Success is meaningless, only that it gave me further experience for using the great gift of God- Life. And, Life, I love thee, not because thou art long, or because thou has done great things for me, but simply because I have thee from God. This writing is part of thee, and I am glad to write; not that there is any purpose in it for others- it is simply part of Life, and Life I have come to love."
I long to search my own heart and even more my own soul to love God in such a way. What an encouragement, to strive to love this broken world- not because it has anything to offer- but because from Whom it is being offered. When I look at it like that, my eyes start burning a little...and no, not because I need to blink-- for me, that's one of those "aha!" moments. Life is hard, people are mean (boy, are they ever mean), but that's not why we're here. I can only imagine getting to a place where I let go of my failures, my continual strive for success, and my desire to have things of this earth. I have been blessed by a Father who truly loves and adores me, and longs to share the joy of this earth with me- why would I deprive myself of that? It's a frustrating cycle, really.
I know this is long...but as I was writing the paragraph above it popped into my head (you can skip it, but it's basically the end so you might as well finish strong):
Psalm 139:
"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them as my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
I don't thank our Father in Heaven enough for scripture. What a blessing to have the word of our God at our hands anytime we need it...anytime...I definitely take that for granted. I'm finding out, uncomfortably fast, that I take a lot of things for granted. I recently had a bit of a curveball thrown my way, a curveball of life- if you will- and it hurt. Had it happened a few years ago I probably would have opened a bottle of vodka (or whatever I had available), and drank until I either got really mad or threw up (or both, just unsure of what sequence). Praise be to our Lord and Savior, because this time I dove as fast and as hard as I could into Him. I wanted to nestle into His love and security. I wanted to be alone with Him and pray.
One of my favorite Psalms (Psalm 18) says, "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters...He rescued me because He delighted in me." I long for the orphans in Ukraine to realize that as much as we adore them, their Creator delights in them and loves them beyond compare. My prayer is that in some way or another, the orphans we met (and anyone really) could realize they're worth being rescued. He wants to rescue us, protect us, and love us in a way this world could never offer.
We may live in a beautifully broken world...but we weren't made for it.
